Living Minimally With Our Words - Pt. 3
Learning to be listeners in a loud world
This is week 3 of 4 in which I’m diving deep into our minimalistic lifestyle and how it’s opened up the holy space of decluttering my home, heart, and mind. I’d love to hear your thoughts and journey together as I invite you a little closer to something that’s been so life-giving to my family. I pray it’s a blessing to you.
We all talk too much.
Even me, I’m raising my hand over here. I talk way too much. It’s something I’ve been working on for years and still struggle with. Let me clarify one thing right here at the beginning—our words are necessary to this world. Our voices matter so powerfully and the words we choose to speak have a deep impact on those around us.
When you ponder the concept of minimalism, the use of our words rarely comes to mind. You probably think of something like an empty room with white walls (because all minimalists have kids that would NEVER smudge their dirty hands all over the walls), floor to ceiling windows (which my kids would leave their face prints on in seconds), and maybe a chair or an uncomfortable looking couch. Well, at least that was my impression of minimalism for many years. However, there is so much more than living simply with less possessions—there’s an opportunity for us to assess all of our life through the lens of intentionality and holding what truly matters out to Jesus.
I want to invite us to remember—we do not need to quiet the importance of our voices, but rather to hold the weight of our words and experience ways to use them more intentionally.
The Bible invites us to listen before we speak1, and we so often do the opposite. I’m sure we can all remember experiencing the tension rise in us after there is a moment of silence in a conversation that continues on longer than the original moment. Our internal dialogue starts to go wild.
I need to fill the space so no one feels awkward.
What do I talk about now?
What should I ask that feels appropriate?
What if it’s not taken as appropriate and I offend someone?
On and on we go, filling the space between us and others with so many words. We then leave conversations questioning what we said, regretting all we shared, feeling frustration that we already forgot what the other person said, but also deeply hoping that they saw us in our lonely world. I feel the exhaustion in just writing these words because I lived in that place for so long. So let’s take a moment to sit with some powerful words from Henri Nouwen on speaking and listening:
“To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept. Listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond. Listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings. The beauty of listening is that, those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking their words more seriously and discovering their own true selves. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully, and even to dare to be silent with you.”
The words that we say and don’t say truly matter to Jesus.
Henri’s words above, listening is a form of spiritual hospitality, are ringing in my ears as I look around at my life. I would go further to say that I don’t think spiritual hospitality is only an invitation for others—it’s an invitation for ourselves.
When we listen first, we open up the door in our lives to notice more.
When we listen first, our senses have the space to become attuned to the glimpses of Glory that is right before us.
When we listen first, we recognize the weight our words hold as we intentionally speak.
As we learn to be listeners throughout all areas of our lives, not just in verbal conversations, we are invited into the holy space of being held and known by the Trinity listening to us.
Where is Jesus holding spiritual hospitality for you in the silence?
Let me be the first to tell you, it’s very uncomfortable to not over talk. It’s very hard to practice not always filling our lives with empty words, but allowing invitations of silence and listening to hold space instead. Because when we listen to our hearts, and those arounds us, we are listening to the heart of God. We are holding space for ourselves and others to be known by Him—that is experiencing spiritual hospitality.
Sometimes we over complicate the presence of Jesus. We put pressure on ourselves to curate an experience of the Holy that we want ourselves and others to know, yet we bypass the simplicity of truly listening and holding space in the silence for the Trinity to show up as they choose to. We over talk and over function to try and alleviate discomfort and rarely take time to truly listen.
What are we afraid will surface in the silence?
Why don’t we all ask Jesus that question today. We don’t need to formulate the best questions, know the deepest theology, or have the most serene environment—we can just be in the presence of the Trinity.
We won’t be able to hold a space of silent listening for others if we ourselves are not experiencing the silent, knowing, presence of Jesus.
What does silence look like in your life?
How are you using your words in everyday life?
How do you view the importance of your words?
What areas in life are you being invited to listen more?
What areas of life are you being invited to use your words more?
May we remember that God is holding us in the sacred, holy silence.
May we be invited to hold the weight of our words in a world that is so loud.
May we see the goodness of the Spirit living and working throughout all.
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James 1:19
I love the idea of listening as a spiritual hospitality! And these are such great questions to ponder...